29 January 2017

What Have I Become?


Last December a photo of my college graduation appeared on my Facebook timeline. It has been five years since, and as for high school graduation it would be ten years this 2017.

Looking back I never put much thought of what will I become. The main goal was to graduate and get a job after. I don't have specific plans. Unlike to some of my friends, who I think, figured out their plans earlier. I keep thinking that I am waiting for things to happen. Now, I ask myself after waiting without concrete actions and plans, "What have I become?" Maybe going with the flow should have not taken hundred percent seriously.


I am jealous with people in my age bracket who have achieved more than that I have : career, family, romantic relationship, finances, and spiritual. I am most envious with the career aspect because up to now I am not sure if my current job would keep me going while I do other things that I love. I am not sure if it can sustain emergency situations. I have been thinking of shifting career but I am hesitant. Mostly afraid of possibilities.

In order to move forward it is best that we know wha I have become. My answer is that I become afraid of what will I be. I hesitate to take different actions. I keep on letting other people's opinion bother me. In the end I stay on the safe side yet feeling unsatisfied. Maybe it is not that bad at all. The safe side has keep me grounded and healthy.

I have learned to prioritize appointments and the time I spent with my family and friends.I have come to realize that every decision - making should focus not only with what I want but with the rest of the party involved. And, If I cannot do things I ask for help without feeling ashamed that I am not capable of handling it myself.
The people I know in my circle worries that I might end up regretting not doing what I really want and that I might end up lonesome. Though, they tend to irratate me it is comforting to know that they are concern of what will I become.

As a citizen of this world what have I become? Did I prove myself worthy of this beautiful place created by God? Have I defended the fort against the invaders?
As a woman what have I become? Did I stood up for my rights? Have I been taking care of my body just to impress the public or was I doing it so that it would not be difficult when I grow old? Have I been self conscious with my physical appearance that I forgotten that true beauty is measured in and out of our body equally

As a follower of Christ what I have become?

Today I feel afraid. Yesterday I was nervous. The other day I was none of the mentioned emotions.

I am confused yet optimistic. Of what I have and what will I become I will leave it with my Master.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11  




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Maira Gall